Childhood trauma is not always violent. “It wasn’t what happened. Sometimes it is what didn’t happen that hurt.”
When we think of childhood trauma, we often picture violence, abuse, or chaos. But for many adults, the real damage came from something far more invisible—emotional neglect, inconsistency, or simply not feeling safe.
Childhood trauma isn’t always about what went wrong. Sometimes, it’s about what never had the chance to go right.
What does emotional neglect look like?
- Being left to deal with big feelings on your own
- Having your needs ignored or minimised.
- Growing up around emotionally unavailable or unpredictable parents
Being the “good kid” because you learnt not to cause trouble
Running on Empty
You might have had food on the table, a roof over your head, and no obvious abuse—but if love felt conditional, 
if you felt unsafe expressing yourself, or if no one was really there for you emotionally, that still counts as trauma.
Research by Dr Jonice Webb, author of Running on Empty, shows that emotional neglect in childhood leads to adult struggles with low self-worth, anxiety, relationship issues and emotional numbness. And because nothing “bad” seemed to happen, many people feel confused or guilty for struggling at all. When childhood trauma is not violent it can go unnoticed to people close.
Our Nervous System Remembers
The truth is, our nervous system remembers. When your childhood home didn’t feel safe, stable or emotionally warm, you grow up wired for survival—not connection. This can show up later as people-pleasing, anger, overthinking, or never feeling good enough.
At Stephen Gardiner.com I work with adults who feel this exact confusion. They wonder, “Why am I like this? Nothing really bad happened.” But that’s the thing—it’s not always about the dramatic moments. It’s the ongoing absence of love, safety, and emotional support that leaves a lasting imprint.
You Are Not Broken
If this resonates, you’re not broken—and you’re not alone.
What was missing from your childhood?
It’s a powerful question—and maybe it’s time to get some answers.
If you’re ready to unpack this gently, book a free session. No pressure. Just a safe space to talk.
