In Australia, over 42,000 children a year are abused. Thousands of wonderful people volunteer as very caring caregivers to children in need. But every week we hear of children (and adults) who have been abused physically, verbally or sexually by their caregiver. How does this happen? Why does it take a serious event for us to notice it’s happening? Often, the abuse may go unnoticed or be seen as part of “discipline” in the form of physical or emotional abuse, overzealous smacking or yelling at the children. But when discipline is constant, harsh or habitual, it passes from parental control to abuse. Sexual abuse or neglect is never okay, and these are always reportable. Being a caring caregiver all the time is tough. Every carer needs respite.
Caregivers by Default
Many people become carers by default. This means that becoming a full-time caregiver was not their plan. It’s no one’s really! This may be due to a parent’s illness or passing away. It may be medical disabilities that create ‘full-time caring’ by necessity. When a person becomes a ‘carer without choice’, it would be silly to believe there could not be some frustration, a sense of loss and grief and/or occasionally resentment. A generation is becoming known as the ‘squeeze-generation!’ These people are caring for their elderly parents while still having their children living in their home. These are challenging life circumstances. It’s not how they imagined their life at 50 to look. It’s normal to get frustrated, even angry, and unfortunately, (unconsciously), abuse can occur.
Giving Care to Children
The effects of any abuse and/or neglect on a child can be significant and will frequently lead to lifelong problems. It can impact a child’s brain development, but it will always affect how they feel and think about themselves, how successful they are at school, the friends they make and even their physical development and skills. Long term, it can lead to drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, difficulty developing and maintaining good relationships, unemployment and result in many types of social disadvantage – all relating to the child’s experiences, and very rarely their fault or within their control.
It has always been thought that once a child has been abused and grown up, they couldn’t turn back the clock, but is this true? What if a person could go back to the abusers, not as a victim but as an empowered person? What if they could do whatever they ever wanted to do to them and be safe?
Elder Care
Caring for the older generation is often more complex than caring for our children. Our parents are used to being in control. They want to be independent. It is hard for them, very hard for the carer. How can you keep them independent and safe? More importantly, how can you live your life and ensure they have a good quality of life, too? It is a balancing act. As a carer, whatever your circumstances, you need support.
Are You a Caring CareGiver?
Often, caring for others brings up ‘past issues in the carer.” Things that have remained buried but are triggered by actions, words, smells, or feelings that arise unexpectedly. When this happens, you, the carer, will react to the ‘trigger’. We all have them: We call it ‘Not feeling safe!’ We often don’t even know why. We have anxiety, a feeling of fear, that something is not right. Unfortunately, we tend to lash out. Usually regret our reaction seconds later. This is where support for the carer is essential. Childhood trauma can be inconsequential events/actions repeated frequently, or an unfathomable, horrible event that you couldn’t mentally cope with at the time. Both can cause long-term anxiety that underlies your actions and decisions until finally ‘exploding.’
Trauma Therapy allows a therapist to “step a child (adult)” through a process to enable the past to be ‘redesigned.’ TRTP does this with the use of dynamic re-imagination. Our three-step process takes clients from ‘stuck’ and anxious to knowing that (the past) is over and they are safe, but more importantly, they have power over the past terrible events. The process is fast effective but above all safe. This is not talk therapy – it is interaction, dynamic and lasting!’
If you want to learn more about the process and its complexities, contact us to arrange a complimentary strategy session.
